Embarrassing Moment #78,945

Have you ever had one of those days where you're just going along on your merry way, humming a catchy tune, and then WAM! POW @ &%^ ZONKERS!!! you get blind sided by something you didn't see coming?

That totally happened to me today.

The kids have been asking begging me to go to the library for three weeks now. I've been making various excuses not to go because in the back of my mind I knew that I had turned a few books in late and had a fine.  I also knew that I had no cash in my wallet to pay the fine.  But this weekend I happened to go to the bank.  So when my kids asked to go to the library this afternoon, I said, "You're in luck.  I have money.  Let's load up in the truck and check out some books, gang!"

30 minutes later I enter the door of the library and approach the desk:

"Hello, I think I may have a small fine on my account, and I'd like to pay it before we check books out today."

She scans the library card.

"Oh yes, that will be $17.85"

I pass out, fall to the floor, scrape myself off of the floor, clear my throat and act like this is no big deal.  Then I put the five dollar bill back into my wallet and exchange it for a twenty.  I hand it to the lady and say  the following:

" Boy, you all should have a plaque on your walls commemorating me as your biggest financial supporter!"

She laughs and says, "Yes we should!"

Then she zeros out my account and prints the receipt.

And the paper slowly kept coming....and coming...and coming....and coming...

Awkward silence ensues.

Then the librarian busts a gut laughing and tears come to her eyes as we continue to watch the receipt slowwwwwwwly print.

"Sorry," she says, " I've never seen a receipt this long before."

"Should I come back in an hour when it's finished printing?" I quip.

"Perhaps it will be done by the time you're ready to check your books out." (Still chuckling at my expense.)

My eyes dart around the room to make sure that I don't know anyone in the library.  This is really embarrassing.

3 1/2 minutes later the librarian rips off the end of the receipt and proceeds to wrap it like an extension cord before folding it 4 times.

"Thank you for doing business with us!" she says as she winks. "Come back soon!"

Moral of the story: Do not do a huge research project on the Medieval Times with your children and check out 21 library books on the subject, and then go on a vacation to Disneyland on the day they are due.