Thursday, April 1, 2010

The Annual Spring Dispute

I've got a really bad case of cabin fever. It's contagious in our parts, and leads to irrational behavior, unjustified spending, inexcusable grouchiness, and hair loss. On the day the calendar says it's officially spring, winter decides to put a choke hold on my part of the world. While the Better Homes and Gardens Magazine shows visions of lush flowerbeds, pristine green lawns, and sunshine, the wind howls at my door. The seed catalogs in my mailbox show vegetables, trees and shrubs in all their glory while the snow pelts my dead brown grass in the yard. The cover of Country Magazine shows an orchard bursting with apple blossoms while my bare naked tree branches shudder in the elements. You get the picture. Amidst the fury of bad weather, a ray of warm sunshine will show it's face for one measly day to torment us even more.

Then, ever so slowly, winter will release it's death grip on the land, and new life will spring forth from it's soil. While we wait for this transformation we do the following things:

1. Curse the wind.

2. Wear shorts and flip flops in 35 degree weather and when people give us funny looks, I say, " It's 85 and sunny in my mind."

3. Buy enough flower and vegetable seeds to plant a 5 acre garden...even though we only have a 1/4 acre plot.

4. Evacuate the area as much as possible on the weekends to chase the sunshine and warm weather.

5. Make BIG plans. Outlandish plans. Plans about building new decks, creating water features, adding a second story to the house, and converting the garage into a master suite.

It is during this time of emotional and mental instability that "The fight" occurs. My beloved and I argue like vicious wolves over nothing other than the planting of vegetables. We have both a traditional garden plot and 4 raised beds measuring 4'X10' each.

He names his demands: "10 rows of sweet corn."

I counter back: "5 rows of sweet corn, 2 rows of sunflowers, 2 rows of green beans, 1 row of zucchini.....and I get to plant all four raised beds with whatever I want."

"Sunflowers are worthless!" He retorts. "And 2 zucchini plants are more than sufficient. No one eats that much zucchini."

"Sunflowers are gorgeous, and attract pollinators...besides, your corn shades my green beans." I say with my eyes in a razor like position.

" Sunflowers will not sustain us in the event of a natural disaster...corn will", he smirks.

"Your corn will get eaten by the squirrels, and ear worms!" It's a low blow but I feel like I'm losing ground at this point.

He slaps the table,"10 rows of corn, and you can have all four of the raised beds."

I throw down my "Hail Mary" offer. " If you let me plant 2 rows of sunflowers and 1 row of beans in your corn plot, AND give me the raised beds..... I'll make your favorite cookies."

"Done" he says, and the battle is over.


  1. Nearly the same conversation at our house...only I want Ken to plant sweet corn by our regular corn... enough for me to put up. And I also want zinnias which he thinks are a waste of space! The worry is that this year... he will win all garden "fights" cause I am 9 month pg and he will have to do all the planting. Boo.