Alright, I'm just gonna throw this out there because there's no other way to do it.
Sometimes... I feel like I should be a member of an amazing black church where the choir members wear matching robes and sing glorious renditions of hymns and gospel music that you can't help but sway along with. I just really want to be a part of some choreographed clap and sway music for Jesus. It's where I always thought my calling was.
But Jesus had another plan for my life. A plan that did not include me being a choir member in a rockin' black church where the pastor uses a handkerchief to wipe the sweat from his brow while he's preaching the gospel with shouts of affirmation coming from the congregation. I've seen it all on T.V. I know how cool it is.
There are a few challenges that stand in my way of realizing this life-long dream. First of all, I attend a small mountain church in Arizona, and I know without a doubt that the Lord has called us to be there, which means that He hasn't called me to be in a black church....yet.
Secondly, I'm one of the few toe tappers in Sunday morning praise and worship. There are a few hand raisers, some clappers, and about a dozen other swayers, but we're in the minority. Some people just don't "feel it" if you know what I mean. It might even scare the old -timers. I don't know... I'm just guessing.
The third and most important challenge that is keeping me from my dream is the fact that I have absolutely no singing skills whatsoever. Don't get me wrong, I can carry a tune and sing along with the radio. I'm not a horrible singer, I'm just untrained. Very untrained. In fact, I would be paralyzed with fear if I had to do some sort of solo on stage at church. What I'm trying to say is that I'm no Aretha Franklin by any stretch of the imagination. And you must have a soulful voice to sing in a black choir. Getting my "singing voice" in heaven is one of the things I look forward to the most. I always tell my husband, "When I get to heaven, I'm going to have the voice of an angel!" I imagine it coming in the way it does for Aerial in the Little Mermaid. Once it comes to me, I can join the choir in heaven and sing Holy, Holy Holy. It would be even cooler if it came to me before I got to heaven so I could sing with my husband. We could belt out love ballads to Jesus and sing duets together like Todd Agnew and Rebecca St. James sing "Our Great God".
The one thing I do have is rhythm. I've even got clapping skills. I've got moves too. So how have I attended a church with a low score on the swaying scale all of this time and got away with busting out moves for Jesus? It's simple: I hold small children, and sit in the back. Babies are a secret weapon. No one will question a mother who sways to the music with her baby or toddler. Whatever it takes to keep a child quiet in church is not questioned. I've swayed and clapped with my kids for nearly 10 years now. The problem is that my "baby" is nearly six now. She's getting too big to hold on my hip. I'm at a cross-roads. I must either have more babies to praise Jesus with, or go against the grain and bust out in the lone sway. Don't get me wrong...there are no "movement police" at my church, and there will be no church discipline for the "swayers". I just feel slightly more active in worship than some folks at church. That's not a bad thing if I sit in the back. I wouldn't want to be a distraction.
So until I'm called to move to the South, and God sends down my angel voice, I'll just have to be content to sing southern gospel songs in the truck and the shower. But baby on the hip or not, I'm gonna sway for Jesus 'til the cows come home.
Always praising Jesus with a choir robe in my mind,