Friday, July 1, 2011

Stuff They Don't Tell You In The Parenting Books

There are a plethora of scenarios that aren't covered in the parenting books... uncharted territories that authors are too timid to tackle.  For this reason, we threw all the books out years ago! With nothing but the Bible and a bit of wisdom from the older generation, my husband and I decided to go commando with our parenting style.

No book can prepare you for the gross and embarrassing things that children are capable of.  For instance, while inspecting the bedroom cleaning of my children today, I happened upon a small deposit of petrified boogers on the wall next to one of their beds.  This was not a one-time incident, folks.  This was definitely a re-occurring event.  I was appalled! I was disturbed! And for once, I was at a complete loss for words.  What is the heart issue of a problem like this? Is it laziness, defiance, or fatigue? After the initial shock wore off, I had to excuse myself from the room.  I needed to time to think.  Justice had to be served, but my child's sad little eyes were pleading for mercy.

For some reason, the words of the camp counselor from "The Parent Trap" kept coming to mind:

"Let the punishment fit the crime!"

I think that a bowl of warm water, and a "Magic Eraser" sponge are in order here.  With some elbow grease and diligence, the walls of the bedroom, halls and kitchen should be sparkling in a jiffy.  And with any luck, the perpetrator of the crime will think twice before using the wall as a Kleenex.

Is this the right way to handle a crime of this magnitude? I don't know.  The Bible is silent on matters of snot, and I don't believe that the subject of booger wiping can be found in the index of a parenting book. So I'm just going to go with my gut on this one...and make sure that each child has a box of Kleenex located near their bed forever more.

Hi, my name is Nell, and I'm the parent of a (reformed) booger wiper.

Whew, it felt good to confess that.  There are no perfect children on this blog, only forgiven ones.

Always Keeping it Real,



  1. LOL....I heard about your blog from Mary Ann and had to come see for myself. I love the pictures of your family. They are so precious. And I absolutely LOVE your stories. I can imagine the eeewww factor that you had when you first discovered it, but it did make me laugh. Which I'm beginning to think you have a real knack for...making people laugh that is :)

  2. Perfect punishment for the crime. :)

    Sadly, in my apartment building we have booger wipers who use the elevator walls! Their mamas should have punished them proper many years ago!! (Pretty high boogers, so they are not little children.)

    Kleenexes for everyone!! ;)

  3. That is gross! From personal experience I'm guessing you won't have too much problem with booger bespeckled walls any longer. The punishment is the same my mother doled out years ago and, um, yep, I no longer stick those pearls on walls.

  4. Did you ask said child what stall they use?


  5. Thanks for the laugh! I know exactly what you are talking about, I have one that has occasional nose bleeds, I'll leave the rest for you to fill in. Gross! My kids do this in the car too! With black interior it's quite noticable! Ha! My favorite punishment to fit the crime is that when they slam a door they have to open and shut it the correct way a certain amount of times (usually their age.)