Hi there, it's me again. I know, I know, you've all been wondering where I've been. My mother called. (4 times today to be exact....and this is important to know for today's confession.) Anyway, as I was saying, my mother called today at 4:56pm and said, "Nell, you haven't written anything in your blog today. I'm calling you to tell you to put the book down and write something."
I have a confession. I'm addicted to Amish books. It's my kryptonite- my achilles' heel. In high school we learned that all good heroes have a tragic flaw that leads to their downfall. My tragic flaw is the love of Amish Christian Fiction. I'm a bit of binge addict, though. I haven't picked up a good Amish book since last June. Knowing that a good read will suck me into a large black hole, I only let myself disappear in the summer months. During the school year I have to be responsible. I have the task of educating my children, reading curriculum, reviewing history, gathering research, and putting together lesson plans. If I'm not reading something geared to my children's education, then I'm reading some type of "how-to" book to further my nun-chuck skills, bow hunting skills, computer hacking skills.....name that movie! (Napoleon Dynamite)
But, summertime!!! Oh to be free from the 180 mandatory days of formally educating my children! It's exhilarating, and awe inspiring to break free from the schedule. It's an occasion to celebrate! I looked at the calendar, and at T-minus 5 days 'til summer break, I ordered myself a 5 star Amish read. It arrived today, and I opened the package and kissed the book. Then I said, "It's been so long...so very long." Name that movie! (The Parent Trap) I got an impish grin on my face and laughed an evil little laugh, then I declared it to be "Leave Mommy Alone Day". I told my children that when I opened the cover of this book, I was going to go away on a journey in my mind, but I'd be back soon. "Unless someone is bleeding, do not bother Mommy today."
After I fed my kids lunch I told them all to lay down and read a book so mommy could read too. My son finished "Farmer Boy" and came out 20 minutes later. This wouldn't do. I needed at least an hour. I said, "why don't you try to take a little nap before baseball practice?" "Mom" he said, " I haven't had a nap in 3 years". Well it was worth a shot anyway. "Go catch me a lizard" I said. I made play dough for my 4 year old and told her to use her imagination. I had my middle child water all the plants in the yard....anything to let me read just one more chapter. I ignored all phone calls. Except for Mother. She will call my cell phone, then my house phone, then my husband's phone, then the police....OK, it's not that bad. But she would start to worry if I didn't answer. I try to make the conversation brief. I tell her I'm on a mental vacation with an Amish book. She calls back 3 more times. You'll never believe what she wants to discuss on the last phone call: desserts at my brother's wedding. That's in like 2 1/2 months. "Do you think we should make cheesecake balls....how about brownie bites....and chocolate covered strawberries? Will that be too labor intensive?"
Are you kidding me right now? This can't be happening. I take a deep breath. The air hisses out of my lungs. "Mom, I'm on page 182, you can't ask me questions that require a long conversation after page 54. I'm in too deep now. It's like when I call you and you're watching Lost and you tell me to call back in an hour. I respect your wishes. I'm no good to you now anyway, I can't get the plot out of my brain. I'm all wrapped up in it. Call me in the morning." Click.
My husband comes home. The house looks like Fly Lady died today. He chuckles and says, "Good book, huh?" "You have no idea!" I say without pulling my eyes away from the page. Then he says the sexiest thing ever. "I'll take all the kids to practice with me so you can have some time alone to read your book." That, ladies, is reason # 5731 of why I love that man! He knows. He just knows. Anyway, I've been away from the book for 20 minutes now, and I'm starting to shake. It's like the character's lives are in suspense until I jump back into the story. Gotta go, I'll be back from my mental vacation tomorrow.